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February 2nd, 2007
12:05 am - And I'm back.
Hello again everyone... or no one, really. I've reached a really awkward stage in my life and since it's late and I don't have anyone to talk to, I'll talk to myself.
I feel like I've put put this protective front that's giving off the impression that I'm stable but behind that front I'm a whirling mess. I thought I could handle another round of accusations that Brandon is cheating on me, but this one is really tearing me up. The worst part is that I can't do anything to fix how I feel. I just wish it had never happened. We were perfect before all of this. I miss him, too. I wish I could take time away from everything else and just be with him. All this stress is draining me. I took a 6 hour nap today and actually felt good, not like I overslept, when I woke up. Anyway, I should go. Goodnight me.
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December 12th, 2006
09:43 pm
I should be studying but I realized that it's time for another one of my once in awhile journal entries.
Senior year is flying by. I can't believe it's almost halfway over! I feel like it just started but my college applications are due in two weeks and my exams start in two day! Talk about scary. This is the year I feel my life has been prepping me for and I can't believe it's passing by so quickly. Next year I'm really going to miss everyone from Salem. Of course, that won't change the fact that I simply can't wait to leave. I can't wait to have freedom and be far away from everything I've ever known. It sounds like a thrill. Let's just hope I get in somewhere.
I'm still dating Brandon and we're as happy as ever. We get in picky little fights and drive each other crazy most of the time but he still means more to me than anyone ever has. I'm in love.
Snowboarding season has started back up again and Britt and I had a crazy fun weekend last weekend. It left me so sore I still feel like I just walked off the mountain. I can't wait for our trip out to Colorado. I get to spend a full 8 days there this time and my cousin Brandon is actually going to be there!
Anyway, I'm feeling pretty happy (although stressed) about my life right now. I think that even though it seems that all I do these days is worry about getting into college, I'll be just fine when March rolls around. But for now I have a date with Browning, Yeats, and Heaney. I'll see you next time I come around. Love.
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June 1st, 2006
11:48 pm
I just had the extremely terrible idea of going back to read early journal entries. I only got through 8 or so of them before I had to stop reading because I was so embarrassed. Why did I ever write in this thing when I had nothing to say? I mean, technically I have nothing to say now but then I had nothing better to talk about than who I was going to go call and what I had just eaten. It was also disgusting how much Internet slang I used. Anyway, now is the point when this turns into a real journal entry. I think I'm just going to type whatever pops into my head. That's always fun when I can't sleep.
I don't know who I am even though I pretend like I know myself better than anyone else knows him or herself. I feel like this summer might turn into a wasted 3 months just like every other summer I've had. On the other hand, it could be one that I remember forever. We'll see how it goes. I'm tired and I have to wake up early but I would rather sit here numb, typing, than do anything else. I just ranted about how disturbing my old entries were, because they were boring and pointless, but this entry is just as bad as they were if not worse. I still don't know when and when not to use commas. I wish I knew more about everything. I want to know everything I possibly can. However, I'm realizing exactly how lazy I am. I watched The Notebook today for the millionth time and I cried again. That movie never ceases to make me more emotional than I ever am in real life. Speaking of my lack of emotions, I realized today that when I get mad or upset, I lose all feeling. Maybe that's why I am such an apathetic person. I've numbed myself towards extreme feelings. I can deal with your everyday, basic, neutral feelings, but when it comes to actually expressing exreme emotions I just can't do it.
Ok, I'm done. I could talk about what exactly is going on in my life... who my friends are, family stuff, boyfriend stuff, school stuff, etc, but I'd rather not waste my time.
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April 17th, 2006
09:15 pm
Today was amazing. I think I found myself.
Current Mood:  happy
Current Music: Motion City Soundtrack- Everything is Alright
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April 16th, 2006
05:33 pm
Wow, um where do I begin? I don't ever feel like writing in here anymore. Nowadays, I'm not really the kind of person to spill my guts to everyone on the Internet. Besides, I'd rather be on Myspace. Anyway, I guess I'll update any major changes I've gone through recently.
I suck at English. I can't do well in that class. I can't do well in any class, for that matter. I just don't care about school anymore.
I'm dating Brandon Alexander Horne. He is good. He is very good.
Summer is fast approaching and I can't wait to sit on my ass and read all day.
I am currently obsessed with Sufjan Stevens' cd Illinois. It's beautiful.
I miss Britt a lot. I never see her anymore. She's still my best friend.
I hang out with Amanda Zaski a lot. I love her to death but she does carry a lot of boy drama around with her.
That's pretty much it.
Current Mood:  apathetic
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February 11th, 2006
07:44 pm
And I'm here. Haven't been here that much lately. Sorry to say I might be growing out of this one. Oh well, I can attempt an update once in a while.
My life is basically unchanging. It's also somewhat stressful. I wrote 4 papers last week. This year is just beginning. I can feel it. School might get exciting. However, most of the time I think I'd rather be sleeping.
Most of my friends are good. I enjoy the company of most of them most of the time. I don't seem to have too many of them these days. I've sort of widdled it all down to a few that I love, a bunch that I see, and a whole lot that I miss... occasionally.
At the moment, parents aren't great. I made my mom cry and I don't know how. Menopause changed that woman. I don't even remember who she used to be. I don't really care either. My dad is skiing. I thought he was coming home tonight but I guess not. I do miss him.
I wish I would stop thinking about philosophical ideas. I mean, I do love thinking about the unanswerable questions, but it all leads back to thinking about death and then I just panic. I need a new hobby. I mean, whatever happened to guitar?
That's about it. My mouth tastes like shit and I need to eat dinner. I guess it all sort of ends there.
Current Mood: apathetic
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January 30th, 2006
10:23 pm
eaglemusician117: i hate it when i'm staring off into space then i realize that it looks like i'm staring at the ugly girl
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January 25th, 2006
10:29 pm
I'm extremely tired. Notwithstanding, it's been too long to stay away any longer. I had so much to say the other day and now I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say.
Randy's grounded and that pretty much sucks.
My mom is being kind of annoying. My dad and I were filling out a form for the SAT class I'm going to take and my dad was like, "Hey, Amanda did really well on her PSAT, huh Mel?" And she was like, "Eh, I guess she did okay." Wow, cool mom. Just because you got a 1600 on your GRE doesn't mean you can be such a bitch.
I'm just in a bad mood because I'm tired. Really, who cares about the SAT anyways?
Now if you will excuse me, I'm heading off to bed. Goodnight everyone.
I'm really horrible at comma usage. Damn you commas, damn you.
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January 3rd, 2006
01:20 pm
I am really tired of bullshit.
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December 14th, 2005
06:14 pm
So glad to know I don't know what the hell is going on on my take home AFM exam.
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